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The Gap

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Annie Ryall

Case in point 2

I bought a rubber bathmat to make it safer in the bath. Better be safe than sorry. I was sorry the next morning when I stepped on it and it promptly slipped on the curved surface of the bath, so that I hit my already arthritic knee on the cast-iron edge.  F***ing rubber mat!!  Now I’ll have to add another exercise to my already drawn-out morning exercise routine.

Before launching into the dreaded routine, I need to exercise the brain with some mental somersaults (high level avoidance tactics) – eg. remembering today’s date, and trying to recall an alluring dream in which I am an airborne Sylkie a la Chagall and am adored by all. I’m sure the energy involved in remembering will take ten years off my chronological age, along with fantasizing about full cream salted butter on toast with apricot jam…. but I digress.

Exercise 1 (courtesy mandolin spoon flick)

Cobra pose x 20

Ahhhgghh… it’s only pain.. it will be all worth it in the end. I remember when “morning exercises” had another meaning. One day that drought might break so it will be handy to have a flexible back. Pay attention young lady and stop fantasizing… you’ll only be left with unresolved etc.

Exercise 2 (courtesy rubber mat fail)

Knee bends x 20

This one’s not too bad.. I convince myself it’s nice to feel the cool 1000 thread count sheet under my foot and the brain can remain pleasantly disengaged. Six, eleven,.. damn, what was I up to? Start with 5 again. Concentrate… That was weird, the bit in the other dream about a plumber with a mad red wig.  First his head was not attached, then when I looked again it was on his body. 

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