Mortise: … and as for your so-called girlfriend
Spacer: Her name’s Dynabolt mum.
Mortise: Hmmmm more like a head screw shank I’d say.
Spacer: That’s not fair… you barely know her… anyway I’m over listening to you, I’m going out.
Mortise: Just where do you think you’re going?
Spacer: I’m taking Socket for a walk.
Mortise: Hmm. Well don’t be too long. You’ve got Woodwork to finish.
Spacer: (Mumbling… slamming the door as he goes out).
Mortise and Tenon would shake their heads and commiserate with a Screwdriver on ice – their favourite pre-dinner cocktail.
Mortise: I don’t know Tenon… why is parenting this hard? All we ask is that the kids have a little self-respect and aim for quality. Is that too much to ask?
Tenon: No of course not dear. A hand-chiselled join was good enough for us. It should be good enough for our kids.
At that point Valerie comes running down the stairs excitedly.
Valerie: Mum, Dad, I’ve been offered an apprenticeship!
Mortise: Oh, that sounds wonderful darling…
Tenon: Who is it with? Which joinery firm… which bespoke carpentry atelier will you be working for?
Mortise: Yes, we can’t wait. Do tell!
Valerie: I’ll be part of a pre-fabricated assembly team in the company – oh it’s for Ikea. The letter’s signed by A.K., Supervisor. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?
Mortise and Tenon look at each other in horror. Both collapse back down on the work bench.
Mortise: A.K.?
Tenon: Oh no
Mortise & Tenon: (in unison) Allen Key
Tenon: (white faced and trembling) … Mortise, Could you pour me another screwdriver… and make it a double.
